Anxiety

Do you ever wonder why babies follow you when you leave a room, or cry when you leave them with a baby sitter? As a parent, you may clearly know that your child is attached to you. However, there is a defined psychological development that occurs within toddlers called separation anxiety that encourages this behavior.

At the ages of four to seven months, babies start to understand the permanence of things and people. That is, they understand that even though their toys are not right in front of them, it does not mean they disappeared or are lost for good. The same understanding starts to apply to caregivers and people. They know that you have left the room or the house, but since they do not understand time, they think you may have left them. When this happens, babies begin to panic and fuss for their primary caregiver, a symptom of separation anxiety. While younger babies tend to adjust easily to other people, as they age and grow accustomed to their caregivers, it becomes more difficult for them to be away from their parents.

Small babies only communicate in terms of needs, so if they are getting what they need to be comfortable, they do not necessarily care who it is from whether it’s a bottle, nap or diaper change. As they age (mostly between eight months and a year old), this dynamic changes and babies start to learn more about where you go and what you are doing. They are more understanding of how things work and will try very hard to prevent their parents or caregivers from getting out of their sight. Their tactics to get parents to stay may include fussing, crying and clinging.

Some children do not experience separation anxiety at all, or very little, and can adapt easily to other people without their caregivers and parents around them. The onset of separation anxiety can also happen later, it has been known to occur after the year-old mark, and even as late as two years old or later. Similarly, the rate at which separation anxiety lasts also varies and depends on the parents’ response to the situation. Parents need to help their children adjust to different people and situations without them around and often this tactic of “tough love” works to break the cycles of separation anxiety, which can last even into the elementary school years if not addressed appropriately.

Experts suggest several strategies to address separation anxiety. One successful tactic is to be consistent in your approach to saying goodbye. Be calm and let them know you will be back and that you love them. Make it a similar situation each time and each time you return, the child will be more confident that you will come back every time you say goodbye. Also, if you are leaving your child with someone else, for instance a day care attendant, try to make sure it is the same person who greets your child each time, or someone familiar. It will establish a pattern of trust that will help the child feel more comfortable. Even before they start daycare, it might be a good idea to visit the facility and let the child become familiar with the surroundings and people. In addition, making good on your promises is important in breaking separation anxiety. If you tell your child you will be back at a certain time or will do something when your return, follow up on that promise. It may be easier next time you have to leave.

Separation anxiety does not just affect the little ones, but parents experience it, too. You may feel a little guilty for leaving your child, but helping them develop healthy relationships with others will benefit their ability to adapt to new situations and people.